In 1999 I was in a major car accident. I was hit by a drunk driver as I was crossing the street to go to a friends house. I spent years in and out of the hospital going through different surgeries and continuously seeking expert advice from a variety of doctors. I never got very good feedback or positive answers.
It was all very traumatic, and I suffered for years with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, depression, anxiety, Fibromayalgia, Ulcerative Colitis and post traumatic stress (to name them all).
I found yoga at my very darkest time. A time when I didn't want to live and go through life in this amount of anguish and pain. I was ready to give up, on my self and on life.
My mom was doing yoga at this time and invited me and my sister to class. It was AMAZING! I was 30 lbs heavier, and unable to do most of the poses very well, however it was the first time I allowed myself to feel the quality of my breath and the sadness in my heart. The teachers instructions were perfect, clear, simple and meaningful!
"I NEED HELP" - I heard this in Shavasana that day. Even though it took me another class before I could ask for this. Before I could speak those words out loud. I had to surrender inside. Falling to my knees and asking for help is not something that comes easily for me. This was 2 1/2 years after "the accident".
After this, I started seeing a psychologist regularly. Once a week for a year, then twice a month for 4 more years. His name is Paul Peel and he's the softest, most gracious, unbelievably intelligent and compassionate men. I am grateful every day for what he taught me. He inspired me to continue practising yoga, and asking for guidance and help from family friends and inspirational leaders/teachers.
I used to think that asking for help was a weakness. Surrendering was shameful. Being Vulnerable was ugly.
I thought you had to "suck it up Princess" and figure it out. This stubborn, tough skin has helped me in many ways, however it's also created unnecessary stress & tension in my body, mind and heart too.
Vulnerability, asking for help, saying your sorry (and meaning it), forgiving someone who has hurt you and crying when things are tough. These are some of the most beautiful acts of the heart.
A friend and Coach of mine (Beth Hanishewski) told me once to imagine all the times I've helped someone. To remember how good it felt to lend a hand, to be kind and step up. Then she asked me to think how someone else would feel by helping me. They would feel good too. People WANT to help! WOW!!! Thank you Beth, I still get scared when asking for help, and I think of this every time.
Maybe you are in pain and need help, or maybe you are still angry at your ex for breaking your heart or your girlfriend for ditching you last weekend. Maybe you refuse to cry in front of people or have a hard time saying "I Love YOU".
Either way, May you shed the guilt, step into the fear and ask for what you need.
BE VULNERABLE, ask for help!
It has changed my life.
To bring this to life and practise one of my favourite meditations, check out METTA (loving kindness meditations). There are many different "scripts" out there, I like this one,